Hasta la Vista, baby

I'm flying out to visit the Motherland today & will return in a month. See you'all in 30 !

Dr. Androgynous

Few years ago, at a very prominent, ultra-conservative East Coast research hospital where I worked, there was a very androgynous ICU fellow. From all accounts, it was very competent at its position, but it had a peculiar habit of wearing nurse scrubs (you know, the ones with ridiculous carebears, cupids, cartoon animals, etc plastered all over). Because it was so androgynous & it wore female-nurse uniforms, the medical staff didn't know how to address it (other than Dr. She-Male.) Since residents hate their life & very few things humor them, they made it their mission to determine the gender of said fellow. But because they actually had important things to do (like saving lives) they instructed their medical students to shadow the ICU fellow around & to report back which bathroom it entered. Due to various scheduling conflicts, the determination went unsolved for some time until finally one of the medical students witnessed it enter the Men's Restroom. The student gleefully returned to their resident and reported the observation. This generated lots of 'discussion' amongst the residents and fellows. During one of these discussions in a very public hallway, a resident said, "So apparently it thinks it's a male...interesting..." only to find the infuriated ICU Fellow standing behind him, who overheard the entire conversation. The fellow burst out into a tantrum & started yelling "I'm a boy! I'm a boy! I'm a boy, dammit!" And thereby, further confounding its claim that it is indeed, a boy.

the Current Forcast

These photos are indicative of the current mood here @ the U-Dub. It's Finals week. sux ass

Side view - completely flat face

Empathy Days

Applying my Bedside Skillz to my real life :

R : I had a bad day today...

E : Really ? If I had any Empathy, I'd feel bad for you.

R : Trust me, you're the last person I'd turn to for that !

E : That would hurt, if I had feelings.

Phone Smak

I have several idiosyncracies of which one is 'taking it personally when friends don't pick up my phone calls'. It doesn't matter if they had legit reasons or not - I just assume that they're avoiding me. In this day & age of cell phones, I expect people to pick up their cells within 3-4 rings. If it rings longer, I'm just waiting for their voicemail so I can leave a seething message. And while I'm waiting for the voicemail, I usually start cussing out my friend who's not picking up the phone. The basics which are various permutations of 'pick up the god damn phone, bitch-ass.' Unfortunately the 3-4 ring rule doesn't apply to everyone & recently it put me in akward position.

My cell phone is usually the busiest around exam times. It's the period when I'm shitting my pants & calling friends & colleagues to discuss course material. Recently, I called my friend & he wasn't picking up in a timely manner so I reverted to my usual routine & started bitching him out. Unfortunately, he picked up during my rant between "phone" & "bitch-ass" which put me in a strange predicament. I decided to play nonchalant and greeted him overenthusiastically - which is a cause for suspicion because (A) it's exam time, nobody is fucking enthusiastic & (B) I'm just not an excitable type of person. So he asked me if I was talking to someone, which I responded I wasn't. And then asked me why I greeted him with "bitch-ass." After I explained to him everything above, he calmly and sarcastically responded with "yeah, cuz talking to your receiver is totally normal." After that conversation, I decided to expand my rule to 5 rings before I start my phone smak.

Dr. Bedside

The curriculum in most US med schools devotes the first 2 years to the classroom and the remaining 2 years in the clinic. It varies amongst institutions, but the 2nd year at UW is utilized as a transition year between the classroom and hospital. As such we learn pertitent clinical skills and actually apply them to real patients. But before we unleash our mad-skillz onto the public, the school does their best to prepare us by providing 'volunteer'-patients for practice. I've spoken about these 'volunteers' in past entries, but in brief - these are paid civilians (non-doctor folk) who pretend to be patients. They're an extremely beneficial resource that allows us to consolidate our clinical application and receive helpful feedback. They've been 'patients' for so long that they know the basic benchmarks the school wants us to learn (i.e.) specific exams, procedures, questions, etc. for 3rd year.

Earlier this quarter, I was assigned a Fake-Patient to interview. I enter the room, interview the patient, complete a focused physical exam, and wrap up the session. This was my 1st interview ever that included a focused exam & I didn't have a strong performance, but I thought it met most of the criteria. I asked for feedback & Ms. Faker rattles off things that I missed & forgot to do (which is all legit) & then she completes her assessment with "oh, and you should really work on your empathy." WTF ?! That's totally uncalled for. Let me remind the readers a little bit about me - I am limited in the compassion department but when I interact with patients I think I'm on my best behavior & parroting a good front of peace, love, & understanding. So I'm a bit shocked & I ask her where in the interview did I lack empathy. Apparently during her fake-story when her fake-condition prevented her from exercising at the gym, I should have said "I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be really difficult for you." Are you F'ing kidding me? I'm supposed to feel sorry that you can't exercise at Gold's ?!! Dude ~ maybe if you lost a leg I'd feel sorry for your fake-situation, but geezus you need to improve your sob story. Empathy ?!!

Philly Greeting

Our Pharmacology professor's introduction to the class :

"Hello, I'm X from Philly, where Mother is only half a word."